If I don't get it out

I will fall apart.  I am so angry inside I feel like bursting.  Imagine going along down a road, a pleasant road with many little side trips.  You stop in a small village, meet wonderful people from all walks of life and then drive a bit farther and meet some more.  You go on like this until one day, just as you round a corner, BAM!  You get hit from the side by a car you never saw coming.  That is what happened this week at work.  My wonderful, pleasant job suddenly turned into a nightmare.  Today I made the mistake of checking up on the situation and there it was.  Still as ugly as ever.


Why is life this way?  Why is work this way?  No one was doing anything intentionally wrong, and out of the blue, things are destroyed.  People are hurt.  Emotions are wounded.  Life is dimmer.

Now, I feel so apathetic.  A thing I have not felt since I began this road trip two years ago.  Dear God, help me. 

In two years it's the first time

that I ever thought maybe this isn't the job for me.  But NOT because of my patients.  I still think they are wonderful.  It's management.  Their games.  Their idiocy.  Their judgments.  I don't want to sound bitter but I probably will.  I try so hard to do a good job.  My only goal, the ONLY thing I want, is for my patients to be happy.  That's it.  I have no ulterior motives, I don't care about money, the hours, the benefits.  Nothing matters except them.  NOTHING.  So when I try my hardest to help a patient I don't expect that I will be chastised, accused, slandered.  But that's what happened.  And for the first time, I wanted to just 
give
up.